Mitt Romney: Hi. This is Mitt Romney, and I’m running for President. I’m holding a Victo…uhhh.. Relief Rally and I need to know where to send the donations.
ARC: Oh, you can bring the money you raise to any Red Cross office and we’ll be happy to make sure it’s directed to the appropriate departments.
MR: Money? Oh, no. I’m talking donations. You know, food cans, diapers, socks and under garments.
ARC: Uhh.. we don’t really accept those for disasters.
MR: Sure you do. You’re the Red Cross!
ARC: Uhh..no, we don’t. It’s on our…
MR: (interrupting) Oh, and make sure the stuff goes to only swing states… I have an election to win, you know.
ARC: We can’t accept those things for disaster relief. It’s against policy.
MR: What policy?
ARC: The one on our website. (Unfortunately, due to logistical constraints the Red Cross does not accept or solicit individual donations or collections of items. Items such as collected food, used clothing and shoes must be sorted, cleaned, repackaged and transported which impedes the valuable resources of money, time, and personnel.)
MR: Oh, for the love of…. what am I going to do with all this stuff I bought?
ARC: Bought? I thought you said people donated this stuff?
ARC: Hooooo-kay then. Well since you went through all the trouble of buying all that stuff.
MR: You mean got donated to me…uh… I mean at the relief rally.
ARC: Whatever. Just have it brought to the New Jersey warehouse.
MR: New Jersey? That’s not a swing state.
ARC: We know. New York and New Jersey took the brunt of the storm and those communities are the most in need. Perhaps we can find something to do with your stuff when we have people to clean and sort it.
MR: Ok, but I don’t know how that’ll help my polling. I’ll have one of my drivers bring it to you.
In all seriousness.. if you feel so inspired, please give to the relief efforts at THIS LINK.